Today’s topic: What makes you smile?
A couple of additional thoughts:
First, I recorded the video a couple of days ago but waited to put it up because I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I was feeling a little rough and worn out on the inside and, in the opinion of my inner critic, it showed.
I’ve made the decision to go ahead and share it — facial expression at the beginning, brain farts, and all — because it’s real. In the moment. Unfiltered.
Second, I want to clarify (for the sake of the accuracy-loving editor in me) that what my friend actually asked, and later commented on in terms of her own experience, was, “What makes you smile?” It was not, “What brings you joy?” The latter is how it came out in the video.
As I said, very much in the moment. And it’s all connected anyway.
If you prefer reading to watching, here’s the transcript:
Hey there. It’s Kristen again, and welcome to Day 6 of Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days.
Today I have a question for you, and that is, what makes you smile? You know, a very beautiful lady friend asked me that this morning and it was after we had spent some time talking. I had found myself feeling something kind of painful that I was moving through and difficult and challenging, and she spent some time with me, you know, reminding me of what is True in life.
And I say true with a capital “T” — you know, those things that are just timeless that are true no matter what, and no matter the circumstances, no matter the relationship that you’re talking about, no matter what you may feel about yourself. Things that are just plain true with a capital T. She lovingly reminded me of that, which I believe we do when we love one another, as friends or in other kinds of relationships — family, whatever it may be. And she asked me what brings me joy as a way of refocusing — helping me refocus my attention from what I didn’t want onto what I do want.
And it was a brilliant thing, because not only did it shift my attention back to joy, but it reminded me that in every moment we have that choice. We can choose what we think about, we can choose what we’re feeling about, we can make a different choice, we can focus on what’s ahead of us and not what’s behind us — however you want to put it. It was just … it was very meaningful for me, and she also told me a little bit more about her experience with that question and with that thought. And she said, you know, when people ask me if I want to do something, I just say, “Nope. Doesn’t bring me joy,” or “No thank you.” And if they ask why, she says, “Doesn’t bring me joy.”
And that is so … so, I mean, think about the simplicity of that and yet the power of that, too. For me, that was very eye-opening because it really made me think differently about things that I was choosing to do — things I was choosing to engage in that really probably were not for me and I made a choice. It helped me to make a choice that was very difficult for me.
So, what brings you joy? What can we focus on, or what can you focus on, that brings you joy? Now, I don’t say that with any kind of pie-in-the-sky belief that life is all puppy dogs and rose petals. Right? I believe that life is this wondrous, amazing, joyful, painful, difficult, messy, challenging thing that we all go through — we all experience. And yet, everything … so it can’t always be about joy, it can’t always be the puppy dogs and rose petals, but what it can be is joy by choice.
So what brings me joy? That is a good question. I’ve been sitting with that. What does that look like for me? And my question to you is, what does it look like for you? And, you know, sometimes joy … you know, we can think that if we’re focusing on joy, then, you know, part of the excuse may be well, life is not all puppy dogs and rose petals, Kristen, right?
So, there are going to be times when we have to do what we don’t want to do. And, granted, there are times when we may choose to do something that we’re not that crazy about doing for a certain period of time, for a certain reason. You know, we may take a job that we’re not that crazy about for a certain time and a certain reason. We may stay in a job that we’re not that crazy about in the same way. We may make a conscious choice to go somewhere, do anything, you know, with that in mind as well.
So, it’s not to say that every single solitary moment of life is going to be lived that way, or is it? Can it be? Can we get to that place where we are not “faking it ’til we’re making it,” but just with these conscious decisions? Does this bring me joy? Does this make me smile? Is this serving me?
You know, these (are) simple questions. And if the answer is consistently no, then we need to look at that and say, well, then why am I doing it? What am I getting out of it? What is the payoff? If the payoff serves you, again, for a certain period of time, then we might want to stick with it. And if it doesn’t, then we might not. If we’re in a relationship and we’re not feeling joyful anymore, where it doesn’t make us smile — it’s not consistently more than it is less, or it doesn’t consistently make us more joyful than less joyful — maybe we want to look at that.
So, just a question. I don’t know where you’re at today. I don’t know what’s happening in your life. But I know that you deserve to smile. You deserve to have joy in your life. You deserve to be around people who love you and honor you and cherish you, and who believe that being in a relationship with you is a privilege, not a right.
So, go out there, ask yourself what makes you smile, and love on yourself today. Thank you so much for being with me.
Oh, before I forget, if this resonated for you in any way, shape, or form — if you got something out of it — please like and share. And, also, I don’t want to close without offering you a free gift, which is a one-hour strategic coaching session with me to help you gain clarity. So, if you’d like to take me up on that, please message me here on Facebook. Or, if you happen to be seeing this through my website, click the Contact tab, shoot me a note, and I’ll get back with you, we’ll set up a time.
So, thanks so much for joining today. I will see you tomorrow. Have a good one.