Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days — Day 21

Peaceful Sunset

What might your life be like if you made it a blame-, shame-, and guilt-free zone?

If you prefer reading to watching, here’s the transcript:

Well, hey there. It’s Kristen. Welcome to Day 21 of Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days.

Today we have a little bit of a leftover of a thunderstorm, so you probably heard thunder in the background and some rain. So, hopefully that will just add ambience and not be too much of a distraction.

But today I wanted to offer a follow-on to Day 20. And Day 20 was about a simple choice between love and fear. And my invitation to you was to try that out for an hour, a day, a week — whatever felt comfortable for you — to kind of try out that idea: if life really could be boiled down to a simple choice between love and fear in anything that we do, no matter how complex or complicated life may seem, no matter the situation. You know, could everything be really either an act of love or a call for it?

So, in thinking about that, what often comes to mind for me is the idea of blame, shame, and guilt. Because I think what can happen along the journey of life — whether you see life as, you know, kind of a nonspiritual thing and you’re just moving along that path, or if you see it all kind of in the way that I do, which is everything is included in it and everything can be considered spiritual — spiritual being universal and, for me certainly, a connection with the divine. But as we go along, as we gain more knowledge — true knowledge, which becomes wisdom with experience — as we gain more insight into ourselves and other people and life and truly gain a deeper understanding of things, the more that we know, sometimes, I think the easier it can be to kind of blame, shame, and guilt ourselves for certain things.

For example, you know, we can think that maybe we know better, so we wonder why we continue to do a certain thing that we know is not really beneficial to us or helpful to us. You know, why do we keep engaging in that, or why do we keep not doing what we know to be doing if we know that we should, you know, that or it would be good for us or that we would benefit from it?

So, blame, shame, and guilt is pretty insidious. You know, it can be left over, often, from our upbringing, from just getting through life. I don’t know about you, but I was raised in one of those large, well-known religious traditions that is kind of infamous for the blame, shame, and guilt cycle as kind of a way of being — in a way of relating to one another, in a way of thinking and believing — so it can be hard to break out of that.

And, you know, we can certainly do that to ourselves with what we know, right? So, just as I offered an invitation the other day with the love and the fear concept, I offer an invitation to you today to think about what it would be like to make your life a blame-, shame-, and guilt-free zone. I have started to do that, and it makes a huge difference in the quality of my life because when I catch myself engaging in any of those things — blame, shame, or guilt — what I do is consciously shift the thought from what wants to run automatically to something that’s more neutral, right. I move to neutral.

So, for example, you know, if I am in the grocery store and I’m looking at two different kinds of tomato sauce, you know I’ve got one jar in one hand and the other brand in the other hand, and I kind of look back and forth at the ingredient labels, I see what’s in them. You know, I compare and contrast, you know, quality, quantity, and price. And, you know, with all of the factors, I make a decision from there. And it’s more of a neutral thing. There’s not a whole lot of emotion involved. There’s not a, you know, hopefully not a blame, shame, and guilt process going on about that. It’s just … it’s more neutral. You know, it’s an … you can make an assessment based on information.

And that, to me, is what being the observer looks like. That, to me, is what nonattachment looks like — just being able to look at something and say, “Oh, that’s interesting. I wonder what that’s about.” You know, and also bring curiosity to it, you know, both for ourselves and for other people. Like, “Oh, I wonder. You know, that’s interesting. I saw that I, you know, kind of behaved that way. I wonder what that’s about.”

Or the same for other people. And, you know, at that point you might want to ask, you know, or engage in a conversation with somebody to, kind of, check out what was happening. So, I find that this is a beautiful process. It is one of those ways that we can love ourselves without … we can love ourselves and be gentle with ourselves and shift patterns gently. You know, we can move to neutral and … in stages probably, you know, as we get more comfortable with this idea.

You know, beyond neutral, to me, is compassion and love and embracing and, you know, not only for ourselves, but also for other people. So, it’s a beautiful process, I think. For me, I know that it’s brought a lot of peace and harmony into my internal life, and I believe that it’s brought a lot of peace and harmony into my external life.

So, that is my thought for you for today. If you … if any of this video resonated for you and you got anything out of it, please go ahead and like and share so that other people can hear it also. Please comment below if you have any thoughts that you would like to share about your experience with this.

And also, before I close, I would like to offer you a gift, from my heart to yours, and that is an hourlong coaching session, and it is really for you. It’s designed to help you gain clarity around whatever is happening in your life that you need clarity about, and it is your time, as well, that we spend together. So, please feel free to message me here on Facebook if you’d like to take me up on that offer.

I look forward to hearing from you, and I look forward to seeing you next time. Thanks for joining today.

Go to Day 22 of Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days

Kristen Quirk

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