Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days — Day 2

Country Field

Today’s thought: Letting go of perfectionism.

If you prefer reading to watching, here’s the transcript:

Hey there. It’s Kristen again. Welcome to Day 2 of Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days.

I wanted to ask you a question today: Have you ever struggled with perfectionism? And maybe you haven’t really defined it as that, but if you, you know, say things like, you know, “I just … I’m a little anal retentive” or, you know, “I just like things a certain way” or, you know, “I just have really high standards.” Those are probably some clues and cues that there’s some perfectionism going on in there. Or, if you have recognized it … maybe you’ve recognized that you do kind of have that tendency, or you’ve noticed those patterns in your life, and it’s been a little bit painful for you, because often what comes along with it is this internal dialogue that can be really caustic and really hurtful. And, you know, it can say things like, you know, “You can never do anything right” or “What the hell is the matter with you?” or, you know, “You’re just incapable — you’re just really incapable of doing this or not able to do that.” Or, you know, here’s a good one: “You’re not good enough — you’re just not good enough,” which really means that you’re not worthy. And, you know, that can be really painful to hear that.

Now … and all of those things, really, they’re like spirit crushers, you know, to have that kind of tape running in your head continually. Now, granted, that kind of tape — or, I guess these days you’d probably call it an MP3 or something like that. I’m kind of showing my age here, but let’s just call it a tape for grins and giggles. But, you know, that tape is running in your head and, granted, it didn’t likely originate from you. Granted, it started, you know, probably when you were a kid and, you know, initially came from other people, whether it was people in your family or loved ones or, you know, people at school or whatever. And it could have come from a single incident where somebody said something that was really hurtful and it just really stuck with you, or it could have been something that was said to you repeatedly over time and it really just hurts.

So, I really get that. I really do. And there’s reason for why you feel the way you feel based on your experience. It can be really hard for you. And, you know, we’re not going to kind of dive into all of that — all the reasons for that — today, but what we are going to talk about is the fact that we can recognize patterns. We can recognize what’s happening with us now, and we can go ahead and make a conscious choice to shift them.

So, I just want to share a little bit more about myself and tell you how perfectionism has shown up in my life. Just one of the ways. You know, I have been a writer and an editor for a long time — for more than 20 years. You know, I love words. I love communicating, and I am really aware that words can either be used to support and uplift or to tear down. So, when I was writing and I was editing, I really wanted to get it right. I really wanted the words to work well together. When I was editing, I wanted to make sure things were clear and accurate, and that led to a lot of perfectionism, and it was difficult. It would, you know, take me longer to get through things and, you know, and it was painful — that pressure to just be perfect was really painful.

So, what I learned over time is to strive for excellence rather than perfection. You know, excellence is something that we can use a lot more of, I think, in the world today. There’s a lot of people doing things … well, there’s a lot of folks who don’t do things very well, so excellence is kind of like a sweet spot. You have to kind of find the place where it’s just enough, and it’s more than good enough. It really is excellent, but it’s not over the line into perfectionism. And the only way that you figure that out is to actually experience it and find your way there. So that’s one tip that I have found — striving for excellence, not perfection.

Another way to kind of combat those perfectionistic tendencies is to look at progress rather than perfection. And progress can look like a lot of different things. You know, you’re the type of person who likes to make lists and you’ve got 10 things on your list that you feel have to get done in a day, and you only get two three of them. You know, look at the three that you did do and how those three things move you forward toward your goal rather than the seven that you didn’t get done. You know, that’s really kind of a, again, a kind of moment-by-moment experience-by-experience thing where you kind of get the hang of releasing some of that perfectionism.

And the third thing that I would suggest is done is better than perfect. And this has been a hard one for me because I really like that excellence, or finding that sweet spot, and getting it in the sweet spot of excellence. And sometimes it’s just good and done is better than perfect. And today is a good example. I wanted to get out and kind of have a different background and kind of remove some distractions and be in a different place to do this video, and it just didn’t work out that way. But I am happy to have it done — because done, again, is better than perfection.

So, I think that’s it for today. If you enjoyed this video and you got anything out of it or it resonated for you, please comment, like, and share. And I also want to offer you a free one-hour strategic coaching session, and that is designed to help give you clarity with where you’re at in your life — where you might want to go, what you might want to achieve. Clarity is the name of the game and that’s what we would be striving for in that hour.

If you would like to take me up on that offer, please go ahead and message me here on Facebook. Or, if you happen to be seeing this through my website, you can click the Contact tab, shoot me a message, and I will get back to you and we’ll set up a time.

So, thanks again for watching. I’m so glad you’re here. And if anybody hasn’t told you yet today, you are fabulous. You are worth it, and you are so, so beautiful. Thank you so much. Have a great day.

Go to Day 3 of Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days

Kristen Quirk

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