Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days — Day 18

Open Hands With Flowers

Do you want to feel heard, or loved? Here’s a way to experience more of both.

If you prefer reading to watching, here’s the transcript:

Well, hey there. It’s Kristen. Welcome to Day 18 of Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days.

Today, my question for you is this: Do you ever feel like you’re not getting what you need? And two ways that I often find that plays out in our lives, you know, both for me — I know that I’ve experienced this — and in what I’ve heard other people share, is not feeling heard and not feeling loved.

And, relating to the not feeling heard piece, I can really … that really resonates for me. You know, about 10 years ago, I remember, I was going through a really difficult time in my life. There were a lot of things that were coming up for healing, and I felt like I was reaching out to the people around me whom I loved, and I trusted, and I was looking for some support. I was really looking for someone to listen and to genuinely hear me, and to hear me deeply about what I was experiencing and where I was at. And at the time, that support didn’t feel like it was there. You know, I know that those people loved me, and yet — when I reached out at that particular point, I felt like I was reaching out to air. It was like it just didn’t register with folks.

And I’m not quite sure why that was, but what I did learn, and what came of that for me, was something really beautiful. You know, I had always been what I thought was a good listener. You know, I had had people comment or thank me for listening and, you know, I have been a writer and an editor for close to 25 years now and I was at that time, certainly. So, you know, I had learned how to ask good questions, how to listen well, how to gather the information that I needed and get an understanding of it so that I could then, you know, write about it or present something clearly. But it wasn’t until that point in my life and having that experience where I didn’t feel like I was really heard in a way that was meaningful to me that I really started to listen well myself.

And this is my point: My point was I started to give it. I started to give to other people what I wanted to receive myself. And it took my ability to listen, my ability to be present with people, to a whole different and much, much deeper and more meaningful level.

And so I say that to you. If you are feeling like you’re not being heard, and that is important to you, my suggestion to you is to give it. Give what you would like to receive. Giving and receiving are not only two sides of the same coin, but it is in giving it that we can have the experience of it. My guess is that what you want to feel is the experience of being heard. And you can experience that by giving it. By listening deeply to somebody else. By being present with someone else.

You know, and that takes some skill, and it at least takes a willingness to do that. Because you’ve got to be able to hold your … what’s ever happening with you, you know, kind of just hold it and let it be kind of in one place in your mind and then, you know, kind of focus in on the other person and be present. So, that’s the hearing, or the feeling heard piece.

The same is true with feeling loved. You know, if you are in a relationship where you’re not really feeling like you’re being loved in a way that you would like to be or, again, that’s meaningful — or, if you’re not in a relationship and you feel like there’s a general sense that you’re not experiencing love in your life — the same holds true. If you’d like to experience it, give it. And my guess is that it will come back to you, and that you will feel it when you do give it.

So, that’s my thought for the day. If this has been helpful to you in any way, if it resonated, please go ahead and like and share so that other people can also hear the message.

And, also, before I close, I would like to offer you a gift. It is from me to you, from my heart to yours, and that is an hour of my time to be with you for a strategic coaching session, you know, to really listen — to do that listening deeply, and to help you gain clarity around whatever you’d like to gain clarity about in your life, or find a way through. And to give you sense of what it would look like and feel like if we were to work together in that coaching kind of relationship.

So, please feel free to message me here on Facebook if you’d like to take me up on that. I hope you’re having a wonderful day, wherever you are, and remember that you are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are valuable, you are lovable, and you are made of stardust.

So, thanks so much for joining. Have a great day, and I’ll see you next time.

Go to Day 18 (P.S.) of Love Thyself: 30 Ways, 30 Days

Kristen Quirk

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